Jimmy Jones

Me and Jimmy will be doing two gigs together this year,both for Care after Combat      the first is the 7th of Oct at the world famous Circus Tavern  and the second is with Jethro and me at the Care afterCombat gents lunch at the Dorchester on the 28th November.  Table of 10 is 1750 inc wine and dinner.


England were shite..wales were not

We are now out of Europe

Good news to me…I love a challenge. Charlton are out of Europe, now we need to get Europe out of Charlton.

We need now, to get together and make this work instead of all this silly wingeing       We are Free!

A great Golf day

I am typing this in agony after two days of golf. I have a swing like a bull frog that pulls all my back muscles out every time I hit the ball…which is not very often. The tournement was organised by Jon Barnes from Price Waterhouse Cooper, who raised us over 30 k. Fantastic effort!  ooohhhh me poor back!!

The best show ever

This Autumn I will be touring a new style of show. It will be based around my 40 years in Show-Biz. It will presented in a style that you might not have seen me do before…yes there will be some smut I’m sure…don’t you worry about that! but I want to tell you how it all began, from my up bringing in South-east London, New faces, The Gen game and even Big Brother. The show will have a soundtrack and be lit dramatically. It is the biggest production I have done in years…but it will be differant. Also I will only be playing in theatres that know what they are doing..so no Horsham’s on Bournemouth’s!   I will be doing two nights in some places. The tour continues in Jan and Feb and then I go into the West end!   about time!

Please come and see this show….Welcome back my friends…….

The Morning after the ball.

The Morning after the ball.



The care after Combat Ball was a stunning success…against all odds.

The mini bus bringing the staff up from Southampton went funny with them not arriving until 18 10 in the Evening! we were letting people in at 1845!! I went a bit pear shaped.  Consequently things that would have taken hours to do were rushed. The table plan was confusing but people coped. I forgot the raffle . It will be drawn on Monday and the numbers will be put on line.  Despite this every one enjoyed it


The Dorchester staff were magnificent and the food and wine superb.


It is gratifying to see old friends buying tables and a special thanks must go to David Wall who not only bought 3 tables but brought the home secretary for good measure. Well done David.

I was to sit with Mrs D  and Micheal Gove.and his lovly wife Sarah. Also joining was my local MP Caroline Noakes and Veteran’s Minister Mark Lancaster.


The speeches by Dr Nick,  HMP Winchester governor David Rogers and Richard Burnett  of the Road Haulage  association were outstanding. And the announcement of “Road to Logistics” is just what we need for our vets.JOBS!

The RHA have also said they will provide fuel cards for our fleet of two Franksie special land rovers.These are special blokes and it is a joy to work with them


Rick Wakeman  who was celebrating his birthday, showed us why he is a star and the talks by Simon Weston and  Col Johnny Crossland made a noisy room silent with admiration.

Katherine Jenkins sounded great even with a sore throat and her generosity  know no bounds.

The  Hereford boys sent two great auctions prises totalling 19k   wow!

In all we raised 110k, we danced to the brilliant “Strapped for cash” and seen proof what alcohol can do to a certain daughter!


Other news….

Our end of year one report is now complete and will be sent to the MOJ.


Our Biker fest is now on sale   6th August at Brands hatch 30quid a ticket for a rock concert and the superbike championship…see the web site…talking of which…

We have a new web site next week   please have a look and see if you can winkle out any glitches.

Dr Nick and I are going North for a couple of days to join with our Newark office and sign up more prison

Please try and get a table sold for our gent’s lunch on the 28th of November. call  Tanya on 0300  343 0255




What a bloody shame that my team have been relagated. I will always support them even though I think tough times are ahead. The owner should have realised by now that he can’t play with people’s lives. The worst bit is that he leaves a lady to take all the shit…the mark of a man?…er No!

I cannot blame the fans for protesting. God Bless our team and our fans.

A strange tail

The lady


The man was besotted. He was helpless. It was a situation that he never thought would happen. These things happened to someone else, not him.

Life was fine. Life was good in fact. A good job, a good wife, yes, life was… good. Well, it was, not now. Now, something was burning inside of him, something alien. He had never felt like this before. Now, was not good.


The man’s day at work used to fly by. Not anymore .The hours dragged. Eight hours seemed like eight days. The evenings couldn’t come soon enough. Then, and only then he might catch a glimpse of her.


He had been married for eight years. He loved his wife. He loved her as much as he could. He never loved anything in his life until he met her…but now, he loved another. It was a different love, a love that said I can’t stop thinking about you. A love that said I want you…more than anything else in the world.


He couldn’t sleep. He ate little. She dominated his life. When he closed his eyes he saw her. She was special she was beautiful. She was a Lady.


He had first seen her in the papers. She was in the arms of another man. The other man looked thrilled, and why wouldn’t he. She was beautiful. The other man had a look of  “she’s mine and no-one else will have her”. How wrong he was. A thing of beauty takes a lot of looking after, as the song by Hot Chocolate says. The man made his plans. Firstly find out where she lives…and buy some binoculars. Time spent in reconnaissance is time seldom wasted


The man would have to make a plan, one that would keep his quest a secret…even from the Lady. If anyone discovered what he was up to it would mean curtains for his plans. The wife would surely leave, closely followed by his friends. He wouldn’t need any of them. He wanted the lady, and nothing was going to stand in his way.


A quick scan of the papers told him where she lived, well, not exactly. There were countless pictures of her. All they said was she was from St Ives. The St. Ives in Cambridge not the Cornish St Ives. He thanked God. St Ives was twenty-five miles from his own home, one that he wouldn’t be seeing much of until the lady was in his arms.

It didn’t take him long to find her. The lady was well known in the area. A quick chat to a bloke who knew her well, knew all about her. The bloke hadn’t seen her for a while.

“Not been out?” asked the man. “No” said the bloke. “No-one’s seen her for a while”

The man was disappointed but not put off. He’d be back after his night shift at the Waitrose warehouse in Newmarket


The shift took forever. At six AM the man was back on the road to St Ives. This time he would speak to no one. He would find the lady on his own.


He was in place by seven. He took his binoculars from the case and scanned the area. Nothing. Her address was correct right enough but no sign of her. The woman with the dog walked passed and wished him a good morning.

“I know who you’re after” she said with a knowing wink.

The man ignored her.

“You’re not the first” She walked off.

The man watched her for a while. When she stopped to pick up the dog’s business. He looked away, back in the direction of the lady.

Lunch was a bag of chips and a nap on a bench was his only sleep of the day. The night shift was soon upon him and the cycle would start again. This went on for two weeks. The wife knew something wasn’t right. Too right she did. She was wise enough to say nothing and wait for whatever madness was possessing the husband would pass. It didn’t.

A week later the man returned home and without mentioning what was happening he’d taken his gear and was gone.

“I’ll call you”, was all the man said to the wife.


Six months later the wife had had enough. She only saw the man four times and that was to do his laundry. She tried to tell him she was leaving. He paid no attention. He was distant. The man had gone away. He had left her without really leaving. The life they had was over.

She grabbed him by the arm as he was leaving.

“It’s her isn’t it?’ She held up the picture.

Where did you get this?”

Your friend sent it too me”

“Some friend”, he said sarcastically.

Well what have you got to say?


“So you don’t deny it?”

“Leave me alone” were his parting words.

She heard the door slam. It was over. She knew she couldn’t compete with the lady. She would pack and leave tonight. She called the sister. The tears came and then she was gone.

The man didn’t even know. He was looking for the lady.


Winter was closing in. The man had quit his job. He didn’t have time for work. His wife had gone, left the house they had shared. He didn’t even notice she had gone, so she came back. He tried to explain his behavior. He got nowhere. All he got was nagging and a cold bum at night.


His days were spent in pursuit of the lady. Once he saw her and followed her for a while. He was anxious she didn’t see him. He hid in the trees like a stalker. That was what he was doing day in and day out. He had turned into a stalker.


The nights were getting shorter as he camped outside her home. He was tired; he asks himself if she is worth it. All the waiting, the tears, the tantrums, lives ruined and for what? He had become a laughing stock. If he stopped now all would be in vein. He lay in the bushes and battled against these negative thoughts. It started to rain. It was cold. He was alone. He had never been so alone. He couldn’t go on. He decided to stop his quest. He would go home, give up forget her. He drifts off to sleep.  He dreams of the lady. She is beautiful. He can’t give up. He won’t give up. His head was spinning. A buzzing in his head that won’t go a way. What was the buzzing?  His mind was playing tricks. What that noise. It was familiar. Was it a signal from the lady? Suddenly it al becomes clear. It was the lady. She was calling him.

He wakes with a start and starts to run in a panic. He stumbles and hears his ankle snap. The buzzing continues. He grabs hold. He heaves. His heart is racing. His head is pounding. He can’t believe what is happening. He has found the Lady and she is coming towards him.

He drags her close to him. He kisses her. He takes her photo. He then lets her go. Now she can be someone else’s lady.


Next morning he returns home. He calls his work and gets his job back. Life would be normal. All his special gear purchased in pursuit of the lady he would sell. He wouldn’t use it ever again. He kissed is wife and says, ‘It’s over’

And the lady?

She weighed 42lb 3oz

He will never forget her.

Keith Emerson

My old friend Keith was laid to rest last week in Sussex. It was a lovely service and he was carried out to a standing ovation while we listened to Fanfare for the common man. We will all miss him.

Keith Emerson

Keith died this week………a bit of me went with him.