Good Judgement?

Paul  Gascoigne’s remark to a black “Bouncer” got him a 1000 pound fine. He told the man to smile so he could show himself. As bad as that is, it does start alarm bells ringing. Are we suddenly going to get historical racist charges brought against people who have used humour against, or I should say about, non white people? Do we lock me up for chalky? A lot of people would say  ”Please do”, but remember I devised chalky as  a winner, in my mind, at that time, I tried to not generalise but pick a character that was loveable like Stavros the dodgy kebab salesman.  Do we then lock up the writers and performers who wrote Love thy neighbour? Where will it end? Might I take offence at something Lenny Henry says about white people?  Nonsence  Is it ok for white people to laugh at the Kumars?

The judge during his summing up apparently said  to Gascoigne to “keep his mouth shut” so  the next time I see a non white person on the front row and knowing that what I say as a joke might cause offence . I will keep my mouth shut and ignore that person and take the piss out of the bald white bloke next to him. What if I have fun with all the front row except the black man? is that ok?…come on judge…is that the way forward? Who decides what’s funny and what isn’t? It’s the way you say it surely?

Paul should go find the bloke he upset and have a cup of coffee with him. If the guy was so upset he cried..that’s not good. Paul said he didn’t mean to offend…that’s the thing, he didn’t mean it. really ? but it was said to get a laugh at that bloke’s expense. Paul’s not a comic. His judgement is not that of a comic. Plus, that is not an original line. It is not the first time I have heard that line. “I didn’t mean it to cause offence” What he means is “I didn’t think he’d take offence” there is a difference. It is a fine line. A comic has to make a millisecond decision as to wether the victim of your joke will enjoy the being the but of it..not just laugh because they have to but to enjoy it..enjoy being included. This judge thinks not…. time to Zip up…sad


If the rumours are true,an alls tars CBB is being put together. Trouble is they will only have the ones they can afford….. Bye!

We have been invaded

I went to a farm shop today to find that it had been captured by aliens. Strange thin things that resemble ageing  humans. They wear a tight hugging sort of lycra stuff that makes their genitals look like an astray full of walnuts!   They must be connected to the Amish folk of America as they use no car, but ride on ancient things called bicycles,  they shout to one and other as they pass.  They are angry with car drivers. They don’t consider them selves to be accountable for the laws of the road and are constantly angry with all that are. Now their leadership has taken over the Olympic games, with even sillier headwhere. The big leader is obviously not human as he does not sing the national anthem and sticks his tongue out in a way to show he is bigger than the country. He is in fact what’s known on Earth as a TWAT.

Don’t forget me and Jimmy Jones are on at the Circus Tavern for Care after Combat in Oct   give em a call

Brands Hatch

Care after Combat staged a rock concert on the weekend of the British Super bikes  at the world famous circuit. I compared the day after driving 250 mikes to get there! The show was fantastic with three thousand happy people and 1 complaint!(about me of course)

Tony Lorenzo opened the proceedings with three really good songs ,then it was the turn of the fantastic Just Floyd  and they were spot on. These were followed by Who are you. A Who tribute band who wow’d them then came the sound of Rod and the faces. and ending with John Coglan’s Quo. it was a fantastic day and night with the crowd donating over three thousand pounds for the charity.  I slept for 12 hours after and then had to do a 500 mile round trip to Skegness for a show!!

there’s no business like show business.

Jimmy Jones

Me and Jimmy will be doing two gigs together this year,both for Care after Combat      the first is the 7th of Oct at the world famous Circus Tavern  and the second is with Jethro and me at the Care afterCombat gents lunch at the Dorchester on the 28th November.  Table of 10 is 1750 inc wine and dinner.


England were were not

We are now out of Europe

Good news to me…I love a challenge. Charlton are out of Europe, now we need to get Europe out of Charlton.

We need now, to get together and make this work instead of all this silly wingeing       We are Free!

A great Golf day

I am typing this in agony after two days of golf. I have a swing like a bull frog that pulls all my back muscles out every time I hit the ball…which is not very often. The tournement was organised by Jon Barnes from Price Waterhouse Cooper, who raised us over 30 k. Fantastic effort!  ooohhhh me poor back!!

The best show ever

This Autumn I will be touring a new style of show. It will be based around my 40 years in Show-Biz. It will presented in a style that you might not have seen me do before…yes there will be some smut I’m sure…don’t you worry about that! but I want to tell you how it all began, from my up bringing in South-east London, New faces, The Gen game and even Big Brother. The show will have a soundtrack and be lit dramatically. It is the biggest production I have done in years…but it will be differant. Also I will only be playing in theatres that know what they are no Horsham’s on Bournemouth’s!   I will be doing two nights in some places. The tour continues in Jan and Feb and then I go into the West end!   about time!

Please come and see this show….Welcome back my friends…….

The Morning after the ball.

The Morning after the ball.



The care after Combat Ball was a stunning success…against all odds.

The mini bus bringing the staff up from Southampton went funny with them not arriving until 18 10 in the Evening! we were letting people in at 1845!! I went a bit pear shaped.  Consequently things that would have taken hours to do were rushed. The table plan was confusing but people coped. I forgot the raffle . It will be drawn on Monday and the numbers will be put on line.  Despite this every one enjoyed it


The Dorchester staff were magnificent and the food and wine superb.


It is gratifying to see old friends buying tables and a special thanks must go to David Wall who not only bought 3 tables but brought the home secretary for good measure. Well done David.

I was to sit with Mrs D  and Micheal Gove.and his lovly wife Sarah. Also joining was my local MP Caroline Noakes and Veteran’s Minister Mark Lancaster.


The speeches by Dr Nick,  HMP Winchester governor David Rogers and Richard Burnett  of the Road Haulage  association were outstanding. And the announcement of “Road to Logistics” is just what we need for our vets.JOBS!

The RHA have also said they will provide fuel cards for our fleet of two Franksie special land rovers.These are special blokes and it is a joy to work with them


Rick Wakeman  who was celebrating his birthday, showed us why he is a star and the talks by Simon Weston and  Col Johnny Crossland made a noisy room silent with admiration.

Katherine Jenkins sounded great even with a sore throat and her generosity  know no bounds.

The  Hereford boys sent two great auctions prises totalling 19k   wow!

In all we raised 110k, we danced to the brilliant “Strapped for cash” and seen proof what alcohol can do to a certain daughter!


Other news….

Our end of year one report is now complete and will be sent to the MOJ.


Our Biker fest is now on sale   6th August at Brands hatch 30quid a ticket for a rock concert and the superbike championship…see the web site…talking of which…

We have a new web site next week   please have a look and see if you can winkle out any glitches.

Dr Nick and I are going North for a couple of days to join with our Newark office and sign up more prison

Please try and get a table sold for our gent’s lunch on the 28th of November. call  Tanya on 0300  343 0255