MAIDSTONE

I’m playing in Maidstone tonight and it’s sold out. Yippeee!  Its the place I got banned for 6 months for totting up points.Time for revenge. Tomorrow (16th) I’ll be at the Corn exchange Kings Lynn and the following day in Retford. Please tell every one that the show goes on. Book through the tour dates section of this web site.

Bad luck Brighton. What a great club,sorry you didn’t make it. I don’t know what to do on Saturdays now? Roll on August.

Come and see the show.  WE’LL HAVE A GOOD OL LAUGH

 

Caption

I think the ‘Wolves Manager’ is the best one.

Awex Furgerson

Awex Fergerson has weft Manchester United. He was one of the Wovwiest people I’ve ever met. I wish him wuk.

My money is on David Moyles to take over.Great bloke.Not as good as Chrissey Powell but he aint looking for a job!

Off to the IOW tomorrow (10th).Third time in 18 months.Great little theatre called the Medina.Very cosy.

Richard Littlejohn did a great piece in the Mail. He has nearly got it spot on. question? How come the press get to the doorstep before the police? I thought there was a thing about these things.

I bet the Police will be happy when the public have had enough of this.They will be able to get back to doing what our coppers do best and stop being like Injury lawyers for you!.

I see that Lord Patton says the BBC will pay compensation.That should up the victim numbers  a bit. What’s to lose?

Thank you for all your support. Truth will conquer all, so they say. I hope I am better at telling the truth than some people are of telling lies!

 

Jimmy Tarbuck

What the F……..

images-2  Caption contest. Please leave your suggestions on the comments

Yewtree.

I was in Middlesborough when my wife called and told me the Police have charged Max Clifford with eleven counts of indecent assault.Max has been charged with 11 counts dating from 1966 to 1985! What!!!  Am I alone at thinking that this is going to be difficult to remember what we were all doing. Who scored the second goal at the world cup final? I am staggered that the media have not made more of this.Is it because it is Max and there is a certain schadenfreude going on?

I see that the Sunday Mirror are not naming another celebrity about to be arestted…how caring? Why aren’t they naming him? He must be a labour supporter.

 

Do you know who I feel sorry for? The Police.We have the best Police force  money can buy (perhaps not the right term) but I know the public are getting fed up, but these allegations must be investigated no matter how silly they appear.I know from the messages I get that the public have lost faith in what  was once  an attempt to arrest pedophiles has turned into a celebrity witch hunt. The Police have been kind and courteous to me. They must know that these accusations are  things that can literally ruin peoples lives.My life is on hold,so is that of my wife.It is as Max says, “a nightmare”,it really is.I have to shake my head and ask is this really happening? Well,it is!. The only good thing is that  I know I am innocent, and that is a powerful weapon to have. It’s still is upsetting though. You have to be strong and wait for the game to play out

Thank God for My Wife and my family,friends and my Fans…Oh  and a good legal team!!

I will still keep performing for as long as you still want to come and see me.

I thank you all for your support.

And now the bad news….

Charlton won’t get to the play offs…….what a year I’m having!!! x

 

St Georges day

Boy have I got a sore head! My son Fred and Mark Humphries went to the Carlton Club yesterday to have the St George’s day lunch.First course was sherry,followed by champers,then white wine ,then red wine ,then port and finally scotch..washed down with a pint!  Wimborne tomorrow. Great little theatre.

Maggie

I will be in Wales at the time of the funeral.I will be appearing at a theatre in Cwmbran(I won’t mention the miner’s strike) There has been speculation in some papers that I have been snubbed .That is not quite true ,so let’s put the record straight. Yes I knew Margaret Thatcher quite well.She was founding patron and President of my charity the British Forces Foundation,a charity that was formed at a time when the armed forces were not held in the esteem that thankfully  they are now However someone has decided that  the situation I have been placed in by these historic accusations might distract from this very important day, fair enough. However it is a shame that I can’t say goodbye and I’m sure the great woman would have wanted me there.I have sent my condolences to Margaret’s family.My charity will be represented by Katherine Jenkins(not a bad replacement eh?) I will pay my respects from a hotel room in Cardiff. I will watch Simon Weston  and the boys from the Falklands war with great pride and remember the day when I couldn’t get the Baroness off the flight we had arranged for 250 veterans to revisit the Falklands. I am sad not to be with them and hurt because someone in Government has deemed me guilty of things I haven’t even been charged with. That’s how it goes I suppose. let’s give the Iron Lady the send off she deserves.One good thing,being here in my room I can shed a tear and  no one will know

Great You Tube Clip

If you fancy a cry go on YOU TUBE and dial up  ”Bf109 pilot Franz Stigler and B17 pilot Charlie Brown’s first meeting”

Margaret Thatcher.

The lady has gone. Some people will have to find a new hate figure….don’t look at me!!