well Hello,


it’s been a while, so I thought I better write a few things.

I’m just finishing a tour for small theatres in the UK. The show is called 40 years on. It reflects on the 40 years since I won New Faces in 1976. I am enjoying it. This autumn I am doing the show without music and lighting… A sort of unplugged version.

What I had forgotten, was just how bizarre and rotten some of our hotels are. And if you criticise them on social media, local people who have probably never been there in their lives defend them as if they were their own children. I went to one in Exeter, and in the bar next to reception there were a pair of legs dangling through the ceiling. A man was working, and while he was doing it there was debris and dust falling into people’s cups of tea. I checked out my bedroom, it smelt of an old janitor’s bucket. I made my excuses and left. I am the bad guy!!!!

I think the way forward is to stay in Premier Inns, you know what you gonna get.

Have you noticed annoying things in hotels?, like having to make your own toast and your own tea. And then serve yourself some dried out bacon and a piece of fried egg that looks as if you could make a  frisbee out of it.

And then you sit in the lobby with a  cup of tea, try desperately to get on the  Wi-Fi that is slower than a snail, and try and catch up on your emails while people clean and vacuum around you. I asked the receptionist.” Am I getting in the way?” “No” she said with a smile and complete missed the point of why I asked her.

Pillows. Why do hotels buy the cheapest pillows they can find? I’ve had a stiff neck for three months.

well thats my moan over.

I recorded Piers Morgan show the other day. In the audience was a guy(can you say that now?) from the Mirror. he listend with interest as I told a story of saving a soldiers life..and then ran a story how I had a feud with Bruce Forsyth.

Actually I never had a feud with him. I hardly ever talked to him. I once was given a dog by his ex wife Anthea. It was a great Dane. Julie(think that was her name) and I lived in Wentworth. This dog was a giant and had bollocks the size of ice buckets. It was also a vegetarian. Anyway , cut a long story short, I did a bit in the Sun that we were looking for a home for Bruce’s old dog. he came round my house going bonkers.  ”You can’t get rid of that dog, he’s a killer!”  well thanks Bruce. I never spoke with him again because I never saw him. He didn’t mix with my mob. When I took over the Gen game I thought I would get a card!…No. he was a private man who preferred his own close friends like Tarby.

Now I did have a feud with him. I was pissed and watched his performance at Blazers in Windsor. He had been in the doldrums for a while but a brilliant spot on the royal variety show propelled him back to stardom and full houses. I said “Great show Jimmy, good to see you back after your layoff” That did it..brought the old scouser to life!!  ”How dare you..you’re not even a comic you’re just a cheeky personality..you won’t be funny till you’re forty”   That told me!

Care after Combat is doing well despite no money from HMG yet!   250 veteran prisoners helped. My team has reduced re-offending by 90%   please go to CaC twitter and join x


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