Its my birthday today. If I’d of realised that I would have lived this is long, I would’ve taken better care of myself.

The Keith Emerson tribute concert is selling well. Please call Birmingham Symphony Hall box office for tickets, or check their website.

Greg lake

Greg was a genius. He was also a man who knew what he wanted and didn’t take fools well!  I met him years ago..he was extremely charming. I produced his last tour with a band. I found his band for him and they rehearsed in my studio. I made sandwhiches!

The tour he did was sensational and I am please that I was involved in making Greg sound sensational…some say the best.

We used to laugh a lot. I once described the colour of a car as “Dog Knob red” he laughed at that for a week.


he will be missed….oh  he was the best singer I ever heard.


I had dinner last night with the former president of South Africa,FW De Krerk. I had been invited to sit at the top table at a fundraiser for the Margaret Thatcher Centre. The former president Davis a fascinating speech about how he transformed South Africa and abolished apartheid. He went on to say that Margaret Thatcher was a great help. He, of course, was responsible for the release of Nelson Mandela. I love hearing stories about other people’s countries and the struggles that they have. He was very approachable I’m thoroughly charming and I have to say he looked exactly how a president should look. I then buggered off to the Carlton club and drank vineyard. I did not have an appointment until lunchtime so I thought a good lie in will do me the world good back the phone rings I love I have to leg it back down to the office to sort out the worlds problems.


I can’t wait to see tonight’s episode of Westworld. What a great series. I can’t quite work out where it’s going yet but I am loving every bit of it. So tonight rolled shoulder of lamb in the big green egg, no booze…. Well perhaps just the one and then see up before back in the office tomorrow at 8 o’clock and then off to London to have drinks with the boss.


Keith Emerson, a musical celebration of his life.

Tickets go on sale on the 10th of this month. The show is going to be sensational. We still have 40 VIP tickets then you can book them now by calling Care after Combat on 0300 343 0255.

Keith Emerson

A lot of you will be aware that I was a big Emerson Lake and Palmer fan. Keith was a great inspiration to me, not only as a musician but as a great man and friend. He was always my first choice Best man!

It therefore gives me great pleasure to be able to produce a show to celebrate the life of my old friend. It will be held at the Birmingham Symphony Hall on 28 July 2017. There are a number of VIP tickets at £75 which you can reserve by calling care after combat 0300 343 0255 and ask for Rosie. The rest of the tickets will go on sale on the 10th of December and can be obtained from the Symphony Hall box office. Guests will include the great Rick Wakeman. There will also be a 50 piece symphony Orchestra and surprise guest stars. Any profit from the show will go to Care after…..

Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends….


I have decided to do more posts on this website. I get a bit fed up with twitter, in fact I hardly use it at all.

I’ve finished the first leg of my tour and it is going well. The first week I had a bad stomach, over the last two weeks I’ve had man flu.

Of course, you do lots of interviews with the newspapers and of course, they pick up the juicy bits. They seem to like anything that is going to court controversy. Nothing new there then! The Daily Mail seems to be the worst. I’m at a loss to know what the Daily Mail stands for. They love to bring up the past and stir up the shit. I should stop reading it but I have to say the Mail Online is great. This Sunday’s papers seem to concentrate on two things regarding me, firstly that I don’t believe that I should be involved in the process of changing the law after my experiences with operation yew tree. And I don’t. Well that’s not quite true, what I believe it is that just because I was arrested it doesn’t make me an expert.

The other story seems to concentrate on how unfunny I think women comedians are. Well let’s clear up try and avoid confusion. I am the funniest man in the world and I don’t like any other comedians, especially if they’re funny! They seem to single out Miranda Hart. I think she is quite funny, but to be honest I don’t think she would be the right person to host the generation game. I did it for 7 years so I think I can have a say. However, having a say seems to bring out all the nutters on twitter and all the people who have never seen me,who take pleasure in saying I am not funny. Well they have every right to say that, just like I have every right to say who I think is funny and who I think is not funny. Comedy is a strange business. You can’t make everybody laugh. I don’t think Michael McIntyre it’s funny the lots of people do, although I’ve not met many of them. I love Laurel and Hardy but I can’t stand Charlie Chaplin. I love Tom and Jerry when it was produced by Fred Quimby.. Good old Fred! When they were produced by Chuck Jones they became completely unfunny. As I said it is a strange old business.

Tour correction

My first show is actually  Thursday 27th  ….tit!!!

looking forward to the tour

The music is done the lighting is plotted…now for the start. Friday week in Dunstable


Good Judgement?

Paul  Gascoigne’s remark to a black “Bouncer” got him a 1000 pound fine. He told the man to smile so he could show himself. As bad as that is, it does start alarm bells ringing. Are we suddenly going to get historical racist charges brought against people who have used humour against, or I should say about, non white people? Do we lock me up for chalky? A lot of people would say  ”Please do”, but remember I devised chalky as  a winner, in my mind, at that time, I tried to not generalise but pick a character that was loveable like Stavros the dodgy kebab salesman.  Do we then lock up the writers and performers who wrote Love thy neighbour? Where will it end? Might I take offence at something Lenny Henry says about white people?  Nonsence  Is it ok for white people to laugh at the Kumars?

The judge during his summing up apparently said  to Gascoigne to “keep his mouth shut” so  the next time I see a non white person on the front row and knowing that what I say as a joke might cause offence . I will keep my mouth shut and ignore that person and take the piss out of the bald white bloke next to him. What if I have fun with all the front row except the black man? is that ok?…come on judge…is that the way forward? Who decides what’s funny and what isn’t? It’s the way you say it surely?

Paul should go find the bloke he upset and have a cup of coffee with him. If the guy was so upset he cried..that’s not good. Paul said he didn’t mean to offend…that’s the thing, he didn’t mean it. really ? but it was said to get a laugh at that bloke’s expense. Paul’s not a comic. His judgement is not that of a comic. Plus, that is not an original line. It is not the first time I have heard that line. “I didn’t mean it to cause offence” What he means is “I didn’t think he’d take offence” there is a difference. It is a fine line. A comic has to make a millisecond decision as to wether the victim of your joke will enjoy the being the but of it..not just laugh because they have to but to enjoy it..enjoy being included. This judge thinks not…. time to Zip up…sad


If the rumours are true,an alls tars CBB is being put together. Trouble is they will only have the ones they can afford….. Bye!

We have been invaded

I went to a farm shop today to find that it had been captured by aliens. Strange thin things that resemble ageing  humans. They wear a tight hugging sort of lycra stuff that makes their genitals look like an astray full of walnuts!   They must be connected to the Amish folk of America as they use no car, but ride on ancient things called bicycles,  they shout to one and other as they pass.  They are angry with car drivers. They don’t consider them selves to be accountable for the laws of the road and are constantly angry with all that are. Now their leadership has taken over the Olympic games, with even sillier headwhere. The big leader is obviously not human as he does not sing the national anthem and sticks his tongue out in a way to show he is bigger than the country. He is in fact what’s known on Earth as a TWAT.

Don’t forget me and Jimmy Jones are on at the Circus Tavern for Care after Combat in Oct   give em a call